11.Seriously 🙃 👇

What truly matters is shifting how we talk about it. Mary Fisher, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, suggests saying “making your intimate debut” instead of “losing your physical status.” She explains that “losing” often has negative undertones, whereas a sexual debut should be seen as a positive, empowering experience.

The idea of a “first physical status” carries a lot of outdated and problematic baggage. According to Mary Fisher, it’s often tied to old-fashioned beliefs that treat women like property, valuing purity over far more important things like consent, mutual pleasure, and respect. “Since there are many ways to begin a physical relationship with someone, it makes more sense to think of your ‘intimate debut’ as a series of consensual explorations with another person,” she explains.

Many people define “the first time” as direct partnered activity, but that definition only fits heterosexual couples who see physical connection that way. What about LGBTQ+ couples? Or acts like oral connection, close physical exploration, or even outercourse? Intimate connection isn’t limited to one type of activity, so saying that’s the only way to make your intimate debut simply isn’t accurate.

While your first intimate experience should only matter to you, it’s normal to wonder how your timeline compares to others. For example, Durex conducted a massive study with over 317,000 participants from 41 countries in their 2005 Global Connection Survey, exploring the average age people make their intimate debut worldwide. On average, it’s around 17 years old, but this varies—from some countries where it’s as young as 15.6, to others where it’s nearly 20. The United States lands roughly in the middle at 16.9. But even with these stats, does the age really matter?

Experts like dating coach and matchmaker Laura Bilotta say no. “The ‘right’ time to share your first connection is whenever you feel ready,” she told Bustle.

So, just for curiosity’s sake, here are the average ages people first had physical connection across different parts of the world:

Global Trends in First Physical Connection

• Iceland: 15.6 (Icelanders were the youngest to share their first intimate experience.)
• Germany: 15.9
• Sweden: 16.1
• United Kingdom: 16.6
• United States: 16.9 (Just above Australians, who average 16.8 years, and slightly below Canadians, who average 17 years.)
• France: 17.2
• Ireland: 17.3 (Along with Croatia and Switzerland.)
• Italy: 18.1 (Leads Europe with the oldest average age for intimate debut.)
• Vietnam: 19.6 (Reflects a later average debut age.)
• India: 19.8 (Tops the list with the longest wait.)

Ultimately, there’s no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to your intimate debut. How you define physical connection—and when you choose to take that step—is completely your choice.